What is an "Errand Friend?" Five Benefits to Tackling Your To-Do List with a Bestie
The Loneliness of Capability
Here's something no one tells you about being a high-functioning, independent adult: some of your loneliest moments happen in broad daylight, surrounded by people, while doing perfectly regular, everyday things.
Like standing in the cereal aisle at 10 AM on a Saturday, methodically checking items off your list while families laugh around you and couples debate pasta sauce. Or sitting in your car outside the bank, scrolling your phone before going in, wondering when adulting became this series of solitary tasks you just... endure.
You've mastered the art of getting things done. But somewhere along the way, you started doing life alone. It’s just “easier” that way, and you can tackle your weekend list with all the speed and efficiency your little high achieving heart desires.
And yet… What if the most ordinary moments of your week could become opportunities for the kind of connection that makes everything feel lighter? What if those boring, necessary tasks could become the backdrop for some of your most meaningful relationships?
Enter, the Errand Friend.
What is an Errand Friend? They’re the person you call when you're staring at your overwhelming to-do list and want some chosen company to help you tackle it. They're the buddy who will go with you to a local shop in search of the perfect birthday gift, join you at the hardware store to find that specific lightbulb you need (and probably end up grabbing a plant for their kitchen along the way!) or meet you in the insanity of a Trader Joe’s parking lot so you can both knock out your respective Saturday morning hauls.
But here's what makes an errand friend different from just dragging someone along on your tasks: it's intentional, reciprocal, and genuinely enjoyable. You're both getting things done, supporting each other through the adulting parts of life, and turning necessary tasks into opportunities for deliberate connection.
Why do High Achievers need this more than anyone?
Perhaps you're someone who prides herself on fierce independence and handling all-the-things solo. You've built your identity around being capable, reliable, and self-sufficient. The idea of asking someone to run errands with you might feel... unnecessary. Needy, even (gag!). Or just a factor that will slow you down as you race from one stop to the next (slowing down? Don’t know her).
I get it. You've been conditioned to believe that your tasks are your responsibility alone, and that asking others to join you is somehow imposing or indicating you can’t get sh*t done on your own. But here's what I want you to consider: you're already spending this time on necessary tasks, so why not bake in a chance to catch up with a friend IRL along the way?
When you're rushing through stores alone and checking items off your list with independent efficiency, you're missing an opportunity. Not just for watering a friendship, but for the kind of support that makes daily life feel more socially vibrant and less like a series of tasks to endure.
Five Powerhouse Benefits of having an Errand Friend
Errand friendship is about soooo much more than simply ticking off the boxes with a buddy in tow.
It ALSO:
1. Fosters True Interdependence
Running errands together creates natural opportunities for mutual support without the weight of formal favors. Maybe your friend helps you decide between two options, or you help them reach something on a high shelf. These small moments of leaning on each other build healthy interdependence – you're supporting each other as equals while maintaining your individual autonomy. This can be revolutionary for people who are used to either doing everything alone or feeling guilty about needing help.
2. Enhances Motivation Through Relational Engagement
Running errands with a friend transforms mundane tasks into social experiences. There's built-in external accountability (you're less likely to procrastinate when someone is meeting you at the store), plus you get that beautiful dopamine boost from spending time with someone who fills your tank. Suddenly, grocery shopping becomes catch-up time, and that dreaded trip to return online purchases feels manageable when you have company. The tasks get done, but they no longer feel like burdens.
3. Creates Opportunities to Enjoy the Intimacy of Daily Life
There's something beautifully ordinary about wandering the aisles of Costco together, debating the merits of different cleaning products, or grabbing your favorite matcha en route to the post office. These aren't necessarily Instagram-worthy moments, but they're real life. When you invite someone into the mundane parts of your existence, you're creating a different kind of closeness – intimacy through shared ordinariness, and it's incredibly bonding. Now, you probably wouldn’t think about engaging in the intimacy of daily life within your friendships, because it is often only associated with romantic relationships. But here’s the real deal: intimacy is actually the bedrock of all meaningful connections, both romantic and nonromantic. And our friendships are intimate, nonromantic relationships that deserve the same intentional care we pour into our romantic partnerships.
4. Helps you step out of your Isolation Habit
High achievers often find themselves isolated by their own busy schedules and self-reliant tendencies. Running errands together creates natural, low-pressure opportunities for connection without adding another thing to your calendar. You're not scheduling coffee dates that might get cancelled – you're weaving friendship into tasks you already need to do. This consistent, gentle presence can be incredibly healing for those who feel disconnected despite being surrounded by people.
5. Prioritizes your Social-Emotional Wellness
Everything feels easier with good company, even the perils of modern adulting. That overwhelming list of weekend errands becomes an adventure made light-filled and manageable by sharing the experience together. Your errand friend becomes a witness to your life, and you in turn become a witness to theirs.
Plus, here's the real magic: when you're running errands with someone you care about, the tasks themselves become secondary to the relationship. You're still getting everything done, but you're also investing in a friendship, creating memories, and practicing the art of doing ordinary life together. It’s SO good.
How to create your own Errand Friendship
If you're still feeling resistant to the idea, please hear this: wanting company during life's mundane moments is deeply human. It's not needy or inefficient – it's actually honoring the truth that everything is better with connection. We humans are relational creatures, after all.
You spend so much energy managing your life independently. You pride yourself on being self-sufficient, on handling whatever comes your way without burdening others. But who says errands have to be burdens? Who says the ordinary parts of life have to be endured in isolation?
So, that being said… interested in test-driving an Errand Friendship? Let’s go:
Start with Natural Companions
Think about friends who might already be running similar errands. Maybe it's a fellow parent who also needs to hit the grocery store on weekends, a neighbor who's mentioned wanting to organize their space, or a friend who's also been putting off various household tasks. The key is finding someone whose errands and schedule naturally align with yours.
Make the Invitation Easy and Specific
Instead of asking "Want to run errands together sometime?", try "I need to go to the farmer’s market and the pet supply store Saturday morning – want to come with me and we can grab coffee after?" Be specific about what you're doing and when, and bonus fun if you include something enjoyable as part of the plan.
Embrace Flexible Togetherness
Your errand friend doesn't need to participate in every single task. Maybe they come with you to three stores but dip out before the fourth. Maybe you split up inside the grocery store and meet at the checkout. The goal is companionship and *interdependent* support, not identical to-do lists.
Take Turns Leading & Supporting
Sometimes you're the one with the overwhelming list who needs company. Sometimes your friend is. Be willing to be the supporting player in someone else's errands, bringing your bright energy and conversation to their necessary tasks.
And because High Achievers love a good assignment…
Here's your homework: think of one friend who might enjoy being your errand bestie. Now, your overthinking brain might want to plan the perfect errand outing. Resist the temptation! Meaningful connections happen in the most imperfect and loosely planned moments. An errand friend isn't about making your tasks more complicated or creating a pressure to hang out.
An errand friend is a simple but powerful way to weave relationship activity into the fabric of your everyday life. It's not about becoming dependent on others… it's about recognizing that even the most capable people benefit from companionship, especially during the less glamorous parts of life.
When Adult Friendships Get Tough, Therapy Can Help
If you're reading this and thinking "this all sounds amazing, but I don't even know how to make or maintain adult friendships," you're not alone. Many high achievers struggle with building and sustaining meaningful connections. Maybe you've spent so long focusing on success that your social skills feel rusty, or perhaps you're so used to being self-reliant that vulnerability in friendship feels foreign and uncomfortable.
The challenges that make it hard to ask someone to be your errand friend (fear of being a burden, difficulty with reciprocity, perfectionism around social interactions, or simply not knowing how to nurture friendships as an adult) are the same patterns that can leave you feeling isolated despite being surrounded by people.
Therapy can help you understand what's underneath these friendship struggles. Together with a therapist, you can explore the beliefs and patterns that keep you stuck in solo mode, practice healthy vulnerability and interdependence, and develop the skills to build the connected, supportive relationships you're worthy of having.
If you are a California resident, I would love to help! I work with fiercely independent, high-achieving individuals who want to create more meaningful connections and build sustainable support systems. If you're tired of carrying everything by yourself and ready to learn how to let others in, I can support you in getting there. Contact me today to schedule a free consultation and explore how we can work together.
Layne Baker, LMFT
As a licensed therapist in California, I help high achieving, overly-responsible perfectionists learn how to get crystal clear about their values, have confidence in their decisions, set boundaries with loved ones, trust their instincts and take care of themselves for REAL.
For online therapy support in Los Angeles, San Fransisco, and the greater California area, reach out today.
